Hold: Poetry about softness

by Miki Beatima


 

{birthing}

i have
felt the luvv 
of ate.
of lola. 
of manang. 
of ma. 
ma hugged me 
for even months.
before i could 
hold myself.
she held all 4.5 lbs of me.
this luvv.
lola taught ma. 
ma taught ate.
ate taught me. 
luvv.
like. 
women.

{question}

why do i 
constantly 
try to find one 
to hold as my own?
do i know 
i already am.| 

{bridge}

i want 
to see 
the beauty 
of holding things 
in tension. 
in compression. 
for these
are forces that 
hold bridges. 
together. 
to allow 
my sexuality.
my heart.
my faith.
my mind. 
my ethnicity. 
my body. 
to be at odds 
with each other. 
maybe i’ll 
finally unite 
with myself.|

{worship} 

i want to taste 
and see 
and smell
and hear 
and touch
how good you are. 
your wine. 
your bread. 
your milk. 
your honey. 
-an act of worship I 

you touch
my head with 
your oil. 
and our 
flesh 
becomes 
one.
anointed. 
set apart. 
and you 
call me 
yours. 
-an act of worship II 

you place 
a lamp upon 
my feet. 
warmth.
radiating. 
like coals 
on my lips. 
you burn 
forever
into me. 
-an act of worship III 

our souls 
are melding
like steel. 
warbound. 
you become 
an armor
around my
body.
your sword
sharpens 
my sword.
victory is
coming. 
-an act of worship VI 

longing
in a desert.
for water. 
and you bring
liberation
and rain.
immerse
me with your 
spirit.
come. 
come. 
-an act of worship V 

my mustard 
seed sprouts
as your roots 
dig into 
my soil. 
your vine
intertwines
my branch. 
now bring me 
into the garden.
and let me eat
of your tree. 
the season 
of harvest 
is here. 
-an act of worship VI 

when you call me 
by your name.
and when i call you 
by mine.
rocks praise. mountain quakes. 
oceans rage. storm fades. dawn breaks.
heaven comes. 
heaven comes. 
we do the same. 
in each 
other's name. 
we do. the. same. 
amen. 
-an act of worship VII| 

{shape}

b’luvv’d. 
the heart of those who 
luvv you 
will always be shaped 
like you. 
they will hold you for 
who you are. 
do not contour your 
intersectionality. 
do not contour your 
race/gender/sexuality/culture/creed/__________. 
to fit into the heart 
of anyone else. 
you were meant to be 
free.|

 

Writer’s BIO:

Miki Beatima (he/him) is a queer 2nd generation FilAm progressive Christian who questions every part of his identity. He has contributed a piece to Diverging Magazine’s Lent Devotional about finding sacredness in pornography. He recently launched a public Instagram to share his poetry. You can follow him at @_miki.gbp